I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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