i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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