So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I forget how to act sober
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
