k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
