I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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