so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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