im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
