sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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