is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
