At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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