I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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