just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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