The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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