He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
