the condom got lost in my hair
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
