She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
