i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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