1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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