I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
