I'm drive I can fine osifer
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
