question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
