Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
