An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
