That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
