It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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