you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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