The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
