someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
