I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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