Will you blow on my dice?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
