Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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