Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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