Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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