DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
