Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My dick has a subreddit
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
