So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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