I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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