So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
