we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
