Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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