just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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