Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
