he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
