you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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