I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
