Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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