Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
