Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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