I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
