Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When are your genitals available?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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