I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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