And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
